One Punch Devil
by NinjaGogeta
Summary: What happens when one transcends the limits of humanity? When the normal run of the mill goons stop being a challenge? Why, you start dabbling in the Supernatural of course. Besides, why limit yourself to humanity when there's a whole other species out there? OC inspired by Saitama of One Punch Man. Issei replaced. OC/Harem. Not serious. Overpowered OC. WAN PAN!
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, so, first of all everything I know about DxD is from copious amounts of Fanficiton, as well as what I've read on the wiki. I've only watched the first episode of the anime and I've only ever seen the light novel in shops. Despite this I can say I love DxD, or at least I love the world it's set in and the concepts like Peerages, Sacred Gears and the like. The rest I'm not so big on. I actually enjoy OC fics that replace Issei. Not that I'm saying that there's nothing likeable about Issei, because there really is, but there's also a lot I don't like about him, as well as ecchi in general.**

 **Basically what I'm saying is that this isn't any epic DxD piece where I'll be going into extensive thought and detail- this is just a way for me to write awesome shit happening in the style of the amazing One Punch Man, while also incorporating a few DxD fic ideas I've had.**

 **This isn't really anything serious, and I just wrote it in my spare time for fun. I don't even know if I'll do more, but hey maybe I'll be talked into it. In any case, enjoy One Punch Devil.**

* * *

 _Report from the office of Maou Sizrechs Lucifer-sama_

" _Across the country of Japan, various reports of Stray Devils being defeated before the peerage assigned to their destruction could get there have been made. The story is the same; when the King and their peerage arrives at the scene, the remains of the Stray Devil are found splattered all around the area. The one who kills the Stray Devils has yet to be seen, so information on his or her appearance, abilities, or alignment is non-existent. Nothing from the scenes of the fights indicates any type of demonic power has been used, nor light energy or even chakra. There are no marks to suggest what kind of weapon they use. The reports indicate that the one responsible for the deaths of the Strays is making their way across Japan. Their next location has been predicted to be the town of Kuoh."_

Rias Gremory, heir of the Gremory clan of the 72 Pillars of the Underworld, frowned as she read the report for the fourth time. She had heard of the mysterious person killing Stray Devils, but she didn't realise the details were so sketchy. Without looking she picks up her cup of tea and takes a sip, starting from the beginning for the fifth time. The part that mentions demonic power, or lack thereof, interests her the most, and each time she read the report her eyes lingered on that bit a few seconds more than the rest.

'Nothing from the scenes of the fights indicates any type of demonic power has been used, nor light energy or even chakra.' With her inner voice Rias repeated the line, eyeing the words over her teacup. Her lips curled, eyes glimmering with intrigue. "Very promising."

"Buchou." The sound of her Queen's voiced brought Rias out of her musings. Akeno Himejima stood in the door way, a serious expression on her beautiful face. "We've got an order from the Archduke, there's a Stray Devil nearby."

"I see." Rias looked back to the report, her lips curling further. 'Hmm, perhaps we'll run into this mysterious Stray Devil slayer.' She stood up and gave her Queen a daring smile. "Get Koneko and Kiba and let's go."

"Yes Buchou."

* * *

With a quick teleport the group was in front of an old building, its decrepit look making it a perfect base for a Stray Devil. Rias closed her eyes and pushed her senses inside. Sure enough there was some Demonic power inside, indicating that the Stray was indeed inside. Her brief cursory examination complete, she signalled for them all to enter.

The Stray Devil in question was about as vile as the rest of their kind. His, if you could call it a male anymore, arms, shoulders, and head were still normal, but the rest of his body was bloated to a point where you could almost see his internal organs though his skin. His legs, once made of flesh, consisted of scales and spikes, and a large thick tail emerged from its lower back. Hands the size of tombstones dragged along the ground, razor sharp nails sparking against the stone floor. Rias frowned as she sensed the Stray's power; it was at least a Mid Class Devil when it transformed, and she knew that none bar herself and her Queen could take it on.

"Buchou, there's someone else here." Said Queen's voice brought the Crimson Princess out of her observations.

"What?" He gaze snapped to Akeno, who nodded back to where she had been looking prior. Looking back, Rias was surprised to see none other than a human standing in front of the Stray. It was no wonder the Stray was being so unresponsive to their entrance if it already had some prey in sight.

" **Kekekekeke, you picked a bad time to go for a walk, human**." The Stray pursed his lips in an obnoxious manner as he spoke, slurring his words like some sort of street punk. " **See, folks like me get peckish this time of night, so we require a midnight snack**." The human looked back at the Stray with a dull expression.

"Really? You know, I know this great Udon place nearby that does a special deal." The tone he spoke with stunned Rias a bit. Most humans would run screaming if such a monster even looked at them let alone speak to them. Yet this boy seemed almost…bored. "All you can eat for a thousand yen." The Stray gave a garbled chortle at his words.

" **You're funny kid, but mere noodles aren't enough to fill the eternal hunger that wrangles my existence at every waking moment**!" Rias rolled her eyes, grunts-

"Man, grunts always talk so weird." The boy muttered, scratching his cheek with his fingernail. The Strays amusement vanished.

" **Grunt**? **You're calling me a GRUNT**?" The Stray lashed his tail against the ground, cracking the stonework. " **Do you know who I am what I've done**? **When my bitch of a King refused to put out for me despite all the signs she was interested, you know what I did**? **I RIPPED OFF HER HEAD AND SKULL FUCKED HER FACE**!" Rias' lips twisted in disgust, angered by the monster before her ruining the reputation of Devils. " **Would a grunt do that**? **Could a mere grunt kill a high class Devil so easily**?!"

"Wow, you are pretty hard core." The teenager said, dead eyes sharpening in an instant. "I've heard some pretty messed up stuff in the last few weeks, but that's like the second worst thing I've ever heard." He pulled his other hand from the front pocket of his hoody to rub the back of his neck. "I didn't even want to know the apparently many uses of a giant high frequency vibrator."

" **Enough talking**!" The Stray had seemed to have enough with the banter. It threw its arms back and roared. His arms soon joined the rest of his body in expanding, going from twigs to steel girders in an instant. It grew taller, and his jaw dislocated and teeth grew sharper and longer. " **Say your prayers boy because I'm going to show you the power of a true Devil! BLARGH**!" Rias prepared to give her peerage the order to intervene, but the Stray moved blindingly fast for such a large beast, possibly suggesting he used to be a Knight piece. " **DIE**!" He weaved his fingers together and slammed his hands down, kicking up a large cloud of dust.

"Damn it! We were too late." Rias grimaced, staring at the dust, silently apologising to the human who'd just been squashed. The Stray's speed was worrying, it had moved so fast that Rias couldn't even react to its movements, it had killed the human before she could even open her mouth. "Kiba, take out its legs, we need to limit its movement. Koneko, once it's slowed down take out its arm-"

"Whew, that was a close one." Rias' words halted, and her mouth froze open as the dust cloud cleared, revealing that the human had dodged the attack by moving to the left slightly.

" **Wh- HOW DID YOU DODGE MY ATTACK**?!" The Stray roared, naturally baffled by the development.

"I moved." He said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and the Stray was an idiot for asking. The Stray clenched his teeth in an enraged snarl.

" **DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT**!" It roared, spraying spittle at the boy, getting it in his dull grey hair. Then, against all odds, the Stray started getting bigger. " **DON'T GET COCKY YOU BRAT**! **THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM**!" The scales from the legs started to spread along its bulging stomach, and his spikes shot out from his shoulders. It grew by at least seven feet, and its tail took out half of the building with its thrashing. Its teeth grew down to its neck and up to its crown, where a large beetle-esc horn emerged. Rias took a step back in shock when its power leapt into high class Devil territory. " **NOW YOU LITTLE FUCKER, IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO DIE**! **I'LL TEAR OUT YOUR DEAD EXISTENCELESS EYES AND GORGE ON THEIR GOOEY INSIDES**! **I'LL BEAT YOU FOR SO LONG THAT THE MOST TENDER OF VEIL WILL PALE IN COMPARISON TO THE MEAT I'LL DINE ON TONIGHT**!" It threw up its arms, destroying the ceiling. The moon revealed the Stray in all of its hideous glory, and his beady, insane eyes bored down on the human teenager. " **NOW DIEEEEEEE** - **URK**!"

"What-" Rias started.

"The-" Kiba continued.

"Fuck?" Koneko finished.

Deeply implanted into the Strays bloated, armoured gut was the human's fist, contorting the scaly and near-opaque flesh. The Stray's eyes bulged and popped out its skull at the sheer pressure the explosion of force out of its back caused. Whatever remained of the building behind it was coated in blood and guts and gore, caused by the utter dismemberment the human's single punch caused. All that remained of the Stray was a red canvas and a foul smell. The boy remained in his pose, right arm full extended and his head bowed.

"…" He remained that way for a moment, before pulling back and staring at his hand, looking almost disappointed. "…Again…I ended it with one punch yet again." Silence reigned for a full minute before somebody finally said something about the situation.

"I am so fucking wet right now." And of course, it was Akeno. It was enough to snap the others from their funks, and they took one look at her blushing face and shuddered. Rias shook her head, long used to her Queen's preferences, and started walking towards the human, whose gaze lifted from his fist at the sound of footsteps.

"Huh, who are you guys?" He asked, but his expression indicated that he wasn't all that interested in hearing their response. Rias raised a brow, but spoke up anyway.

"It's considered polite to introduce yourself before asking others for their names." The human blinked, then rubbed the back of his head, scratching his grey hair.

"Fair enough I guess. I'm Kimura Takumi; I prefer Kimura."

"Well then, Kimura-san, my name is Rias Gremory." She glanced at the remains of the Stray Devil, which Kimura noticed. "We were here to take care of that but…well, you already took care of it." She looked into his eyes, her own curious. "From the looks of it, you're more than used to fighting their kind." He nodded.

"Yeah, those things are all so weak, I haven't had a decent fight in ages." Kimura sighed, shoving his hands into his hoody pockets, which Rias noticed has the word oppai written on the front. All things considered it was a nice hoody. "I'm just too damn strong."

'Hmm, he seems to be the type who enjoys a good fight. Essentially, a battle freak.' Rias considered him for a moment, weighing her options, and smiled a smile that could only be described as…devilish. "Tell me, Kimura-san, how would you feel about fighting an immortal?" And for the first time that night, the grey-haired teenager looked slightly interested.

"An immortal…you say?" His lip twitched at the corner, tugging up into a little, lopsided smirk. "Do tell me more."

* * *

"Allow me to fill you in on my offer, Kimura-san." They had returned to the old school building to discuss the finer points of what Rias was offering to the human. It was just him, her and Akeno left, with Kiba and Koneko having gone back to their homes to turn in. Kimura gazed around the room, looking impressed by the grandeur of it all. His attention was dragged to Akeno, who had leant over him to pour him a cup of tea.

"Ah, thank you." Akeno gave him a wink, her cheeks still a little flushed from his early performance.

"Ara, I should be thanking you for the amazing show of dominance you gave back with that Stray. It got me rather hot."

"Eh?" Kimura blinked, his eyes oval shaped and his mouth open a little. "S-Sure." He took a sip of the tea as she gave a short 'ufufu' of amusement. 'Man this chick is crazy. Hell of a rack though.' "Huh, this is pretty good." He took another, longer sip, and then held the empty cup up. "Could I have seconds?"

"Of course, I'm glad you like it." With another wink Akeno poured him another cup.

"Ahem, anyway, as I was saying." Rias interrupted, trying to get the conversation back on track. Acknowledging her King's unspoken demand, Akeno stepped back and folded her hands across her stomach. Kimura for the first time since he sat down, gave Rias his full attention, although his disinterested look irked her a little.

"Yeah, you said something about an immortal earlier, what was that about?"

"Well, before I get into that allow me to give a little background information on what we are." Folding one arm under her chest, she rested her elbow on her palm and held a finger up, poised and ready to give a lecture. "Let me get to the point and tell you that we are Devils."

'That's it? That was quick.' Kimura was relieved, if there was one thing he hated it was long winded explana-

"For thousands of years ago there has been the Three Factions who are connected to one another, us the Devils, the Angels, and the Fallen Angels. Together these three factions were the basis and inspiration for the Judeo-Christian religion, and they became a part of the Bible." Kimura's eyebrow twitched, but Rias continued regardless. "These three factions warred against each other under the leadership of the Four Great Satans for the Devils, the Biblical God for the Angels, and the Grigori organisation led by Azazel for the Fallen Angels. For millennia we have been in a state of cold war, where there are no outright hostilities but another war could break out at any point." Kimura's brow twitched more, and his left leg began to bounce up and down. "Due to the war the population of the Devils took a large hit, and natural birth among Devil families is rare. To deal with this issue one of the four Great Satans created the Evil Piece system, a system similar to the Human game of Chess. Through this system High Class Devils such as myself can change another species into a Devil servant under their command. These servants, otherwise known as a Devil's peerage, can be used to wage a competition known as Rating Ga-"

"GOD DAMN IT!" Rias and Akeno winced in unison at the use of the Lord's name, while at the same time looking at Kimura in shock, who had accompanied his yell by slamming his hands onto the table. Fortunately the expensive antique table took no damage. "YOU SPEAK WAY TOO MUCH! SUMMARISE YOUR POINT IN 20 WORDS OR LESS DAMN IT!" His face had discarded the bored and disinterested expression it usually held to adopt one of intense seriousness.

Rias continued to gape, flummoxed by the sheer gall this human has to interrupt her. Akeno was the first to snap out of her surprise, and she covered her mouth to hold the intense laughter building up inside at her King's face. Finally she stammered out a response.

"Y-Yes, well…" She struggled in her brain to try and compress all the information she wanted to purvey into such a limited word count. "B-Basically, I need strong allies so I want to make you a Devil as my servant to help me."

"See, isn't that much better. Nice and concise." Kimura gave the stunned red-head a lazy smile as he took a sip of his tea. Akeno finally couldn't take it anymore and started laughing loud and deep at the look on Rias' face. Akeno took a deep breath, trying to hold back her chortling. Her laughter threatened to renew itself at the glare on Rias' face but she managed to collect herself. Kimura took another sip, draining the cup, and carefully put it down on the table. "So in short, you want me to become your servant because you want to beat somebody super strong in the future, am I right?" Rias gave him a baleful look before answering.

"Yes, that is correct." She frowned as she took in his reaction. "I must say you're handling the existence of Devils, Angels and Fallen Angels rather well." Kimura shrugged.

"Yeah well I've been fighting those things for weeks now, so the fact that there's more supernatural stuff out there isn't really a surprise. What's the deal with those things anyway, and keep it snappy I don't want to sit through another long drawn out explanation." Rias' eye twitched, her irritation growing, but she held her tongue knowing that he could probably splatter her against the back wall if he wanted to.

"They are Stray Devils. As the name suggests, they are Devil servants who have gone stray by killing their masters, and the Evil Pieces inside of them went wild without their master and mutated their bodies to monstrous proportions."

"Also, what exactly are those Evil Pieces?"

"They allow High Class Devils like myself to turn other species into Devil servants."

"Right, so you'd use one of those to make me a Devil?"

"Yes."

"And becoming your servant will let me fight someone who's immortal someday."

"It is highly possible, yes." Rias looked down, her eyes losing focus somewhat. He grip on her teacup temporarily tightened, then relaxed. She looked back up, gaze turning determined once more. "That isn't the only thing you would get from becoming my servant. Not only would you get even stronger upon becoming a Devil, but you will one day be able to have a peerage of your own and participate in Rating Games yourself, where there are many strong opponents. You could even form a harem if you so desire, it is not an uncommon practice in the Underworld."

"Huh." Kimura looked up in thought, mulling it over a bit. 'Strong opponents, a chance to fight an immortal, a harem? Sounds almost too good to be true.' He thought about the last bit some more. 'I suppose a harem would be cool, but then again it might be a bit high maintenance. More importantly, am I really prepared to give up my humanity so easily?'

"There are other benefits from being a Devil." Rias pushed onward, almost sounding desperate by this point. "Devils live much longer than humans ever could. Devils can live for thousands upon thousands of years."

'Thousands of years, huh.' Kimura threw his arms around the back of the antique sofa he sat on and leant his head back, looking up at the ceiling. 'That's a long time…' He closed his eyes, weighing the pros and cons in his mind. Rias had run out of things to convince him with, so she just watched him in silence. Akeno looked on, hopeful that he'd say yes for Rias' sake if anything. Silence reigned for several minutes, and Rias was growing anxious.

"Kimura-san, you don't have to decide right now. You can sleep on it if you want." He didn't answer, and after a couple of minutes Akeno got curious and walked over. Taking a look at his face, she smiled.

"Ara, it seems he already is, Buchou."

"What?" Rias shot out of her chair and stormed around her desk and over to Kimura, who lo and behold was in fact asleep, a giant snot bubble coming from his nose. Rias saw red. Here she was, desperately trying to have this guy join her peerage, putting her pride aside in the process, and he was napping? "WAKE UP!"

"WAH!" He shot up, snot bubble popping. He stared at Rias, wide tired eyes gazing into fierce blue. "Er, sorry about that." He scratched his head nervously as Rias smouldered. With a huff she marched back to her desk and sat down, crossing her arms and closing her eyes.

"I would appreciate an answer now, Kimura-san. If you don't wish to become a Devil, then please leave at once."

"Alright then, sign me up."

"Very well, the door is over th- wait what?" Her eyes snapped open and she stared at him, arms slowly loosening. Kimura smiled, resuming his previous position, this time looking Rias dead in the eyes.

"I said I'll become your servant, being a Devil might not be so bad. It might liven up my boring life a bit. And besides, if it means I get to drink that delicious tea everyday it'll be worth it."

"Ara, I think that can be arranged." Akeno said with a closed eyed smile. Rias stared for another moment, before smiling in triumph and standing back up.

"Very well, Kimura-san, if you'll just lie down for a moment, I'll turn you into a Devil right away." Kimura grinned back.

"No time like the present, any time afterwards is the wrong time." He got slid off the sofa and lay down on the floor as Rias came to stand over him. A red magic seal appeared underneath him, and Rias placed a pawn piece on him, reconsidered it for a moment, and then put seven more on.

"I, Rias Gremory, hereby order you; Heed me, Takumi Kimura. You shall become my Pawn and rejoice in your newfound life." The eight Pawn pieces sank into his chest, which began to spark red lightning. The Pawn pieces were then pushed back out, and before Rias could express her disappointment, all eight of them began to change. "Mutation pieces?" Rias gasped, yet again stunned by the events of the night. The eight Mutation Pawn pieces then sank back down into his body, this time readily accepted. The magic circle faded away, and Kimura blinked.

"Is that it?" He wondered, sitting up and looking down at his hands. "Hmm, I guess I feel stronger." He then blinked and looked out the window. "Huh…it's a lot brighter out there than I remember." Rias and Akeno just blinked at him owlishly.

"Yes…that would be your new Devil vision." Rias decided to just roll with it. If she didn't hurry up and get used to the nonsense that occurred around him, she'd never stopped being surprised.

"So, what now?"

* * *

 **Indeed, what now? I may or may not write more. But, little insight, I do have an idea for a little something for Kimura to deal with.**

 **Next time (maybe) on One Punch Devil- The Stray Devil Faction.**


	2. Chapter 2

Here's the message that fanfiction readers dread the most, second only to the one announcing a writer is quitting fanfiction all together.

That's right, I'm officially going on hiatus.

I started writing because I had fun doing it, and if I couldn't read the stories I wanted to see, I wanted to write them myself. And aside from a few times, I'm not really having that much fun writing right now.

I would like to attribute the main reason for me not updating much to being busy with University, but as the last two years have shown even when I do have time off I very rarely do anything with it. That's not to say that University doesn't have something to do with it though, as it does.

University takes up a lot of time and energy. Hell last week I had to do a presentation in front of a class about an experimental film idea, and that was pretty nerve wracking. I have an essay due for Tuesday and I have interviews to help organise and shoot for at least next week for a video, reconstructions to film for said video. I also have to make my experimental film, and there's another essay due in a couple of months. Not to mention the people I have to work with frustrate me a lot, including a 20 year old man/child in man form, who actually kicked me in the leg because I told him to calm down over something that the nut case seriously blew out of proportion.

There's also the fact that I almost kinda have writers block. I have it not in the sense that I don't know what to write, rather I actually can't be bothered to write it, like the next chapter of Seat Number 32 for example. Add in the fact that I can't give you guy's new chapters to read is actually making me hate myself for my inability to be bothered to do much writing, which doesn't help matters.

I love writing. I love coming up with story ideas and seeing them come to fruition. But right now I'm really struggling to get my act together to write with all this crap going on in my personal life.

So, I've decided to take an official break from writing to focus on my University work, and to just be able to relax for a bit without the looming pressure of updating. I usually never want to make an author's note about hiatuses as I've always assumed they've kind of been implied due to the absence of content. But this is for my own sake as I feel that making an official statement will take away the pressure of updating.

I have two weeks coming up after next week for the Easter break, which is usually when I'd promise to get something done, but I've made such promises before and it never actually meant anything. So, let me just get it out there that I most likely won't update anything for a few months, and even if some kind of spark ignites that gets me to write a full chapter it doesn't mean that I'm out of my hiatus.

I hope that by the time I finish with University for this year in about 2 months that I will be able to get more writing done in the summer break- which is an insanely long 6 months. But, again, I won't make any promises.

So, apologies for the hiatus, and apologies for being so naff because I honestly feel that all of you deserve better. My readers have always been super supportive of me and it's thanks to you guys that I've kept writing for this long, even if my update rate is sporadic as all hell.

Until next time, you beautiful people!


	3. Chapter 3

**Lemme just note that I'm not off hiatus, I just got the urge to finish this chapter off that's been hanging around for a couple of months now. I'm not sure when or if this will update again, but it will probably when I feel like being totally absurd again.**

* * *

" **Now that we've all gathered here, there is an obvious matter that we need to discuss.** **I don't think I need to tell you what it is**."

" _Actually, Benzia has no idea, she's been busy_."

"YEAH, AND I'VE BEEN HELPING HER WITH…STUFF."

" _ **More like you've been busy stuffing her**_."

"Ew, that's gross, she's all snakey."

" _Hiss! You dare speak of Benzia like that._ "

"YEAH, SHE MAY BE SNAKEY BUT DAMN HER TITS ARE ROCKING!"

" _ **I do actually believe that fact renders her gross snake body a moot point.**_ "

" _Fuck you guys!"_

"No thanks, I like my women to have working vaginas."

" **AHEM**! **Believe it or not I have gathered you all here for a matter that does not pertain to either Benzia's breasts or her lack of a vagina.** "

" _This is complete sexism in the work place! Benzia killed her so-called master for less than this!_ "

" _ **Are you really preaching about sexism to a group of Stray Devil males? I'm as interested in that as I am the contents of the Archangel Michael's underwear draw."**_

"I dunno, I'd be interested in Gabriel's."

"I HAVE HEARD THAT HER TITS ARE ALSO ROCKING!"

* _Hissss* "Benzia is sick of this! Where is Veronica, she would not stand for this nonsense!_ "

" **ACTUALLY, that is related to the reason why I called you all here for this meeting.** **Veronica is dead**."

" _What?!"_

"HUH?"

"Ooh, ooh, I knew that!"

" _ **Yes, I too was aware of this. In fact it seems that the only ones left unaware are our two fuck bunnies over there.**_ "

"I wonder if Benzia likes another kind of rabbit."

" _ **Nah, Veronica was the carpet muncher out of the two**_."

" _What the shit? How did Veronica die?! Also, fuck you guys; what does that even mean?_ "

" **Yes, that is quite enough out of you, Carson, Lorenzo. This is no time to be joking around.** "

"Sorry boss."

" _ **Zipping it**_."

"SO WHO THE FUCK KILLED VERONICA? IT AIN'T LIKE SHE WAS A PUSHOVER OR NOTHING!"

" **Yes, Veronica was at the very least upper High Class in terms of power, which means that her killer is powerful.** "

"Uh, not to sound like an idiot or anything, but how do you know it's just one killer. Could be one of those damned High Class brats and their peerage. That Bael heir could have probably taken her out, he's pretty tough right?"

" **No, it was not Sairaorg Bael-** "

"So _that's_ how you pronounce his name."

"… **No, it was not him. I'm not sure if you've heard or not, but there has been rumours of a single person loitering around Japan and killing every Stray Devil he came across, leaving little behind except blood and gore.** "

" _Who is this person? Benzia will find them and make them regret what they have done_!"

" **Well, I am not aware of who they are, but I have a good idea about where they are**. **I had planned on approaching a Stray Devil by the name of Hayato and inviting him to join, however I have gotten a report that he perished. His remains suggest he was killed in a similar way to how Veronica and the other Stray Devils were killed.** "

" _Where was he? Benzia will go there and find this person and kill them_!"

" **He was situated in the town of Kuoh, so I suggest you restrain yourself before acting.** "

"WHY? IF THAT BASTARD IS THERE THEN WE SHOULD KILL HIM! IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES FOR DISGRACING US LIKE THIS!"

" _ **Wow Viktor, I'd have thought being in the peerage of the late scion of the Oriax clan would have taught you a bit about Devil politics, or were you too busy staring at her boobs?"**_

"I ADMIT HER TITS WERE ROCKING, AND I TOTALLY ROCKED THEM BEFORE I KILLED HER!"

"I'm noticing a common theme with you Vik."

" _Tell Benzia about it._ "

" _ **Viktor's fixation with rocking tits aside, the point I was trying to make is that Kuoh is a pretty influential place, considering the little sisters of two of the Satans made it their shared territory. So if you were to go on a rampage there, it might catch some unwanted attention. Not to mention the fact that this person is very powerful, so going in by yourself is suicide.**_ "

" _Benzia is not scared of one person, nor is she scared of the thrice-damned Satans! Benzia says we take this chance to not only avenge Veronica but hit the Satans where it hurts at the same time._ "

"I HAVE HEARD THAT THE GREMORY HEIR HAS-"

"Lemme guess, rocking tits?"

"YES, HOW'D YOU GUESS I'D SAY THAT?!"

"Oh just a hunch buddy."

" _ **Sorry, can I just point out the fact that all you know about Devil politics is who has an awesome rack?**_ "

" _ENOUGH ABOUT FUCKING TITS ALREADY! Benzia is going to Kuoh and she is going to kill the fucker who killed Veronica and then she will kill that fucking Gremory bitch and get her tits stuffed and mail them to her fucking Satan-shit brother!"_

"HEY, BENZIA, WHERE YOU GOING?"

" _ **It would seem our dear Benzia has left in a bit of a huff."**_

"Man who came in her cheerios?"

"HEY THAT WAS ONLY ONCE!"

"…"

"…"

"… **Ignoring that unwanted insinuation, Lorenzo I want you to keep an eye on Benzia. If she starts to run her mouth off, you know what to do."**

" _ **Hear you loud and clear boss. She so much as hints about the rest of us I'll deal with her and the poor bastard she tells.**_ "

"I HOPE SHE'LL BE ALRIGHT; HER TITS ARE SERIOUSLY ROCKING."

"Getting a little old now dude."

" _ **Can I put forward the notion we ban Viktor from using the word 'rocking'?**_ "

" **Notion recognised and approved**."

"GEEZ, TODAY SUCKS FOR ME."

"Yeah but it's probably gonna be even worse for Benzia soon enough."

"TRUE DAT!"

" **This meeting has given me a migraine; meeting adjourned**. **We'll reconvene in a week.** "

"SURE THING!"

"Got it."

" _ **Well, guess I better go follow Benzia**_. _**Ciao**_."

"I'M OFF TO FIND ANOTHER PAIR OF R- AWESOME TITS!"

"Oh great, he's got a new word already."

" **JUST GET OUT OF HERE ALREADY YOU IDIOTS**!"

* * *

"Now then class, we have a new student joining us today." The teacher droned, only a couple of days into the year and hating his job already. The addressed second year class of Kuoh Academy were surprised by this announcement, and began discussing it amongst themselves instantly.

"A new student, this early in the year?"

"I wonder what they're like."

"I hope it's another hottie!"

"Kay, I hope it's another prince like Kiba-kun."

"If it's a pretty boy I'll kill him!"

'Geez, what cliché dialogue.' Kimura thought, giving the closed classroom door a dull stare. He hadn't been to school for a long time, so he wasn't exactly looking forward to this endeavour, but since Rias was kinda his boss he had to adhere to her whims and enrol. From what he's heard so far, he doesn't have very high hopes. He was pulled out of his thoughts when the door opened, which he took as his cue to enter.

"Well then, class, please welcome Kimura Takumi-kun to Kuoh Academy." Kimura bowed for a second, keeping his bored expression.

"Hey, please look after me."

"Hey, he's kind of cute."

"Yeah in a sort of scruffy way."

"He'd be kinda handsome if he brushed his hair."

"Kya I just want to take care of him!"

"He's so aloof! So cool!"

"Tch, another popular guy eh?"

"Who does he think he is, looking so bored and stuff!"

"Die bastard!"

'That escalated quickly.' Kimura thought but didn't care enough to change his expression. The teacher roller their eyes at the expected reaction- why did he have to be stuck with the morons?

"Well then, Kimura-kun, there's an open seat next to the window over there." Kimura took a look at said seat, noticing it to be right at the back of the class.

'Eh, not bad, better than the front I guess.' With a shrug he made his way over to the seat and collapsed into it, folding his legs and leaning back. The teacher began the lesson but Kimura paid zero attention, instead opting to remember why he was even hear in the first place.

 **Flashback**

"Wait, so now that I'm a supernatural entity, I now have to enrol in a school?" Kimura gave Rias a blank stare as said Devil gave him a smile oozing with confidence. She nodded once, her crimson hair bouncing around her head from the motion.

"Yes, we all attend Kuoh Academy. When school starts again, Akeno and I will be in the third year, Kiba will be in the second year, and Koneko will be enrolling as a first year. How old are you Kimura?"

"Twenty-six." Rias' smile dropped and she stared at him with wide eyes. Kimura maintained eye contact for three seconds before a sound of amusement burst from the corner of his mouth. He held his stomach with his arm as he snickered. "Pfft, the look on your face!" Rias' expression fell into a deadpan glare as he laughed, her eyebrow twitching. "Nah, I'm actually seventeen." He said, his snickers dying down. Rias sighed and regained her composure.

"In that case you'll be enrolling as a second year along with Kiba."

"I look forward to it, Kimura-kun." The voice of the only other male in the room shifted Kimura's attention away from Rias. Sitting on the sofas opposite him were Kiba Yuuto and Tojou Koneko, the Knight and Rook of the Gremory peerage, as Rias had explained to him prior. "Maybe we'll be classmates." His eyes closed into a smile that just oozed charm, if you're into that kind of thing. Kimura scratched his cheek.

"Uh, sure." He looked up at the ceiling, his seemingly default blank expression plastered on his face. "Hmm."

"Ara, something on your mind, Kimura-kun?" Akeno asked as she came over with a fresh pot of tea. She started pouring it into the pre-prepared cups on the table. "You look a little troubled." She handed him his cup, and he took it with a thanks.

"Just thinking about going to school again…I haven't been for years." Rias blinked and regarded him for a second.

"How many years would that be then?" She asked, and Akeno looked to him as she sat next to him, herself and the denizens of the opposite sofa also curious, though with Koneko it was hard to tell.

"Uh…about four I guess." The others looked a little surprised by this, but not majorly.

"I see..." Rias decided that it didn't matter at the moment, but made a note to bring it up with him in private later. After all, she didn't want to ask him possibly uncomfortable questions in front of everybody else. She decided to change tack. "In that case it might be difficult for you to catch up with the material. Although, I don't suppose Akeno would mind tutoring you, would you Akeno?" She gave her Queen a sidelong glance.

"Ufufu, of course not." She pressed her fingertips to her lips and gave Kimura a sensual smile. "I look forward to our private session, Kimura-kun."

"Uh, yeah…sure." Kimura sweat dropped, eyeing Akeno strangely. 'Man, what is her deal anyway?'

"Fu fu fu."

'Yeah…total weirdo…'

 **Flashback End**

'Not sure if I'm looking forward to those private sessions…' Kimura sweatdropped.

 **Later**

"The first thing you will be doing as a Devil is handing out these flyers." Rias told him, indicating several piles of paper sitting on her desk.

"Eh, flyers, really?"

"Yes, these days most humans don't actually draw the magic circles necessary to summon Devils, so we hand them these fliers out to potential contractors so they can summon us. Why, is that a problem?"

"Well, not really but I thought that instead of handing flyers out like some kind of fast food restaurant promoter, Devils were all about doing evil stuff like stealing candy from babies or breaching YouTube copyright rules; you know that kind of thing." Rias stared at him for a moment before shaking her head.

"No, Devils don't tend to waste their time with such…petty things." A small bead of sweat dropped down the side of her head.

"Hey YouTube copyright law rules are pretty major you know. A friend of mine got his account blocked for apparently making three violations. Twist was that he'd only gotten two before getting blocked. Pretty messed up right?"

"Just…Just take the flyers and go." Rias waved her hand towards the flyers, rubbing her brow tiredly. Kimura shrugged and took them, holding them under his arm.

"Nice artwork, you do this yourself?"

"No, that's the teleportation seal of the Gremory family. By sensing the greed of humans through the flyer, Devils are teleported to the humans through those seals."

"Oh so that's why I'm handing them out. You know you should really explain this kind of thing before sending people out."

"Just. Go. Already."

A few hours later and Kimura's load was much lighter than it had been when he started. Of course, jumping around and throwing the flyers so they fell down like confetti would probably help out a lot with distribution. It was a testament to how many flyers he was given that it had taken him this long to almost run his supply dry.

"Looks like I'm nearly done with these flyers." He pulled one out of his bag and gazed at it blandly. "This really isn't what I had in mind when I became a Devil. Wonder when I get to fight that immortal Rias spoke about."

" _A new Devil out by himself, how interesting._ " Kimura turned around, wondering how he didn't notice the Stray Devil looming over him earlier.

As her bare breasts proved her upper body was completely normal, however her lower half was snake-like in nature making her look like one of the legendary Lamia. She was tall, easily towering over the not insignificant height of Kimura.

" _You, subservient Low-Class Devil."_ Benzia hissed, glaring at Kimura who blinked blankly and slowly pointed at himself. " _Yesss, you! Tell Benzia what you know or Benzia will tear you to shreds_!" She held her hands up and razor sharp claws extended from her fingers. Kimura took his pointing finger and used it to scratch under his ear.

"Okay, what do you want to know?"

" _Tell Benzia where the bastard who has been killing Stray Devils is! Benzia knows he is here_!"

"Er, that would be me, I guess." Benzia's features twisted in bafflement.

" _You, some subservient Low-Class Devil? Don't tell Benzia lies! Veronica would not lose too some little twerp like you!_ " Kimura shrugged.

"What can I tell you; it's the truth." He started picking his nose with his pinkie finger, and paused when he remembered something. "Wait, did you say Veronica? Purple hair, scorpion tail on her forehead like some kind of Lovecraftian Elephant?" Benzia narrowed her eyes.

" _Yesss that is her!_ " Kimura hummed and pulled his finger out, examining it.

"Oh, yeah, I remember her. She kept yelling about something or other while trying to kill me. I think she mentioned something about Tic Tacs?" Benzia froze.

" _Tic…Tacs_?" Her head lowered down, hair covering her eyes. " _You mean…tactics_?" Kimura stared at his nose extractions for a moment.

"Ah, yeah, that's right. I guess her scorpion trunk thing muffled her voice a bit." Benzia started shaking in rage.

' _Veronica always spoke of the need for tactics, she was the tactician of the Stray Devil Faction_ …' " _YOU BASTAAAAARD_!" Kimura blinked at Benzia's enraged shriek, and casually jumped back out of the way when she swiped for his head. The force of the strike carried on in the air and destroyed a nearby wall, with deep gouge marks left in the ground on the yet done Benzia leapt at Kimura throwing another swipe which was as easily dodged as before. " _Stay still_!" She screamed, aiming her claws at his head in a stabbing motion.

"Kay." Kimura waited for the claws to near him before blocking them with the palm of his hand, shattering them upon impact. Screeching in pain Benzia formed a new set of claws as well as another on her other hand and swung them both at the sides of Kimura's head. Bringing his fists up, he tapped the back of them against the claws, once again destroying them effortlessly. With a growl Benzia swung her snake tail at Kimura, wrapping around him, forcing his arms tight against his body.

" _For what you did to Bezia's friend Benzia will crush you to death_!" She snarled and started tightening her hold, putting as much force into it as possible. " _Benzia's tail can excerpt up to 200,000 Newtons of force! That's about 12 times as powerful as a Crocodile's bite! Not even a Satan could withstand that kind of force!_ " Benzia gave Kimura a nasty grin as she tightened her hold further. " _Your bones will be turned to dust_!"

"Er, mind letting up a tad? I'm kinda feeling a bit claustrophobic." Benzia's grin froze. Taking a proper look at his face, he looked slightly uncomfortable instead of the agonising grimace of pain that should be there.

" _What?! Benzia should be hearing the creaking and breaking of your bones! Your brains should be leaking from your tear ducts!_ " Glaring at him, she squeezed even tighter, using every muscle in her body to give the strongest grip she'd ever given in her life. All she got to show for it was a slight downwards twitch at the corner of his lips. " _Ha! Now you're feeling it! You won't last much longer!_ "

"Yeah, kinda bored now." She didn't know how it happened, but suddenly Benzia found herself on her back. The suddenness of it all numbed her to the pain of having her lower body torn to shreds, which she only noticed when she lifted her head up and looked down at where her snake tail used to be.

" _W-What is this? How did you get out of Benzia's grip? Y-You must have used some sort of explosive spell o-or something._ "

"Nah, that's not it. See, when you tightened your grip just now you were squeezing my thighs together and the soft dangly things between them were under a bit of pressure. I might not have much use for them but I would appreciate keeping them intact. So I guess I was a bit over eager when I pushed my arms out, hence your, erm, dismemberment."

" _Im-Impossible! You're telling Benzia that you merely pushed your arms out and destroyed her tail?! You beat the combined power of about 10 Crocodiles biting down, with a mere motion?! W-What kind of monster are you_?" Beniza felt sweat dripping down her forehead. She backpedalled on her palms, trying to get away from the teenager standing over her.

"That's a bit hypocritical of you, don't you think?" Kimura deadpanned, nodding to the shredded remains of her once powerful tail. The sight of the scaled scraps infuriated Benzia. "But hey, you're the first Stray that hasn't died in a single attack. Well, could I actually call that an attack?" Kimura blinked, tilted his head to consider it, and then shrugged. "Nah, not really." Benzia sneered, opening her mouth wide as the teen started murmuring to himself. He stopped when several cracks came from Benzia's direction. Through dislocating her jaw, Benzia's mouth now hung open down to the pavement, her forked tongue flickering wildly around.

" _Don't think you've bested Benzia_!" The Stray said, somehow managing to keep her diction perfect with her lips about a metre apart. " _Benzia still has one trick up her sleeve!_ " Her tongue's movements became frantic, almost spinning around like a horses tail. " _DIE_!" With a cry her tongue shot forward, stretching to an insane length as it flew towards Kimura. ' _Benzia's tongue has a deadly neurotoxin on the tip! A single lick is all she needs to destroy his nervous system!_ ' " _HAHAHAHA-GRK_!" Benzia's eyes went wide in agony as her head was smashed down to the pavement, where it instantly splattered into mulch.

"Now that was definitely an attack…ah, I overdid it again." He pulled out one of the flyers and used it to wipe his hand off. After he had wiped off the blood from Benzia's head, he crumpled up the flyer and threw it away.

' _ **Holy shit! That guy just annihilated Benzia!**_ ' Stray Devil Lorenzo crouched behind a wall, quivering in his boots. The man had the appearance of a humanoid Zebra, only with a human face. Beads of sweat ran down his skin as he mentally went over what he just witnessed. _**'He didn't even have to try! He took down the fourth strongest member of our faction just like that! If Benzia couldn't win, how could I possibly stand a chance? Even if I snuck up on him I couldn't beat him! I-I need to get out of here and report this to the boss**_.' He tip-toed away, making great use of his expert stealth skills. ' _ **Thanks to my illusion magic, I'm completely invisible and inaudible to that monster. All I need to do is get to a safe distance and teleport away and inform the others about this**_!' His plan was solid, except for one tiny little issue.

He didn't predict a balled up piece of bloody paper to fly into his mouth.

Lorenzo choked on the paper; as a man of simple tastes, he wasn't one to enjoy eating people and drinking their blood. He was much more a fan of eating their hair, but that's another story. So, the taste of Benzia's blood in his mouth, as well as the nasty taste of whatever paper Rias printed those symbols on, had him heaving. And unfortunately for him, rather loudly at that. Even more unfortunate for him, the shock had caused him to drop his illusion, making him completely visible.

"Huh, is someone there?" Kimura turned around and saw Lorenzo choking on the flyer he threw away. "Hey, are you alright?" Lorenzo was too busy hacking his guts up to respond. Kimura watched with a blank expression. '…Was that my fault?' Feeling a little guilty, he walked over to him and raised his hand. "Hey, sorry about that. Here, let me help you." Lorenzo tried to hack out some gratitude along with his lunch, however he was cut off when Kimura lightly pat him on the back…and broke his spine in half.

" _ **OOOOHHHHHHHH GO- I MEAN MAO- I MEAN- AH SHIT!"**_ At least the piece of paper was dislodged from Lorenzo's throat. Well, that would be a good thing if it hadn't gone the other way. Still though, at least it wasn't in his throat anymore. " _ **WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU OOOOOWWWWWWW**_!" Lorenzo writhed in agony, each motion hurting him more.

"Ah, geez, erm…sorry?"

" _ **SORRY?! YOU'RE FUCKING SORRY?! OH WELL THAT MAKES IT ALL BETTER DOESN'T IT?! AH FUCK MAN AHH MY FUCKING SPINE!**_ "

"Er…do you have insurance?"

" _ **INSURANCE?! I'M A FUCKING MEMBER OF THE STRAY DEVIL FACTION WHY THE FUCK WOULD I HAVE INSURANCE?! FOR THE LOVE OF- AAHHHHH SHIT!**_ " Kimura rubbed the back of his head, actually looking a little sheepish.

"Look, er, I can make this better."

" _ **HOW?! IN WHAT POSSIBLE WAY COULD YOU MAKE THIS BETTER?!**_ "

"Erm, my boss can grant wishes like some kind of teenage fairy god mother."

" _ **OH SURE, RIGHT?! WELL**_ _**WHILE**_ _ **WE'RE AT IT HOW ABOUT I WISH THAT YOU GET FUCKING MUR**_ -"

SPLAT

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Kimura…"

"…Yes Rias?"

"Why am I covered in blood and intestines?"

"Yeah…funny story that…some dude accidentally swallowed a flyer after I broke his spine in half, and I guess he wanted me dead so much that he actually summoned you, and since the magic circle was inside of him…"

"...I am going to go and take the longest shower of my life. And you are going to be on flyer duty for the next two months."

"Seems fair."

"Yes, almost too fair."

"I wouldn't go that far."

Completely fed up with her day, Rias began a teleportation spell to take her to the club room for a much needed shower. It would probably take hours to get the brain matter out of her long hair. Before the spell could finish, Kimura remembered something.

"Oh yeah, by the way, what's the Stray Devil faction?"

"Why that would probably be a faction of Stray Devi- WAIT THE WHAT?!"


	4. Confused Rant

Sorry guys, this isn't a chapter, but I really need to get this off my chest.

I've been trying to get my head wrapped around the power scaling in Highschool DxD and it's just insane. If Kokabiel is as strong as a middle-class Fallen Angel (Vali's words) after being divided three times, then that means that Rias, who was boosted a few times by Issei, is even weaker than a middle-class Fallen Angel. Think about it. I don't quite know how many boosts Rias got, but she only able to do minor damage to Kokabiel with them.

Now let's go back to Issei's fight with Raynare. It is often pointed out early on that even for a Devil Issei is pretty weak. And yet, with three boosts he was able to become, as Raynare points out, middle-class or higher. Now, is this just Raynare talking shit and comparing her own pathetic level of power to other people, with her being so arrogant that she thinks that her pathetic power is close enough to a middle-class that she can truly judge other's power levels? Or is this true and middle-class beings are so weak that Issei's episode 5 strength times by eight pushes him above them?

So, are you telling me that Issei, the "weakest Sekiryutei in existence", with his power level in episode 5, is able to become as powerful as Kokabiel in about a minute? Because if so then the Boosted Gear is super broken, which is nothing new to me. This also tells me that Rias is most likely the weakest high-class devil around, maybe only beating Sona who she beat in a one on one.

Does this mean then that high-class Devils are born as weak as anyone else? Wasn't Riser meant to be born really strong, or is low-class, middle-class, and high-class the kiddie pool of power?

It makes me wonder about how massive the leap between high-class and ultimate-class truly is. Not too high, though, apparently, because times a middle-class Fallen Angel's power by eight and you get a ten winged leader class Fallen Angel, apparently. And, apparently, Rias is so, so, sooooo weak that the amount of boosts, or even more, it probably would have taken to put episode 5 Issei on the level of Kokabiel, gave her just enough power to damage Kokabiel a bit.

I just don't get it man. I guess who cares about this shit when lol bewbs, amirite?

If I'm wrong- which I hope for my sanity that I truly am- please enlighten me because I would love to fucking understand this nonsense.


	5. Chapter 5

This story and any work on it is officially cancelled.

I'm sure you've all likely assumed this by now, but I felt that it needed to be put out there.

There are zero plans on ever continuing, rewriting, or editing this story at all. Ever.

Thanks for the time you spent reading this story, and sorry if you liked it.

Laters.


End file.
